Friday, 9 February 2018

My Reflections: 10 Things I've Learned in 10 Years!


Good Evening everybody,

I hope all is well with everybody and you're all taking care of yourselves. This past couple of weeks has been pretty difficult for us as a family, something that you should know about us is that we adore dogs. Any breed, size, age, ailment or temperament, we will take them all and this week our beloved Bullmastiff dog Bella passed away, my whole family is devastated obviously, and we all need some time to get over it because she was simply amazing and she was like a person in a dog's form.  I've also started back at university and I'm properly in the swing of things now, looking forward to assignments and praying as hard as I can to avoid drama but that's clearly not working at the moment haha!
The past couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of reflections, looking at my life, my attitude and things I've been through, I've been thinking of making some changes and looking into the possibility of maybe moving house at some point but nothing will be rushed. So, all of that reflections led me to think about everything I have learned form my experiences and wow was I surprised to say the least! We go about our daily lives spilling out the wisdom we've learned to people who need it, want it or who just will listen to it but we never really stop to think "where did that come from?" or "what led me to this?". Therefore I would like to share some of the rings I've learned with you and maybe some experiences that led me to these points. 

It's okay to have no clue what you want to do with your life - This can be an issue for a lot of people to be honest and I've had friends and ex-friends who simply have no idea what they want or can do with their qualifications and experiences but to some extent that's okay. There are people with numerous degrees who still have no idea what they want to do, but sometimes if you just take it a day at a time and just try and enjoy what you're doing as you do it then things will usually fall into place. I must say if you don't enjoy whatever it is that you're doing then you need to leave it, even if that's a relationship or a job just get out because life is far too short to waste being unhappy. 

Not having a boyfriend/girlfriend in school, college or uni isn't the worst thing - For many people this can be pretty much a confidence killer, just as being virgin through school or not going to any crazy parties can make you feel like a loser, not having a boyfriend/girlfriend throughout school can be a major confidence killer. It's not the be all and end all of everything though, think of it this way the more time you spend swooning over a guy/girl the more you are doing yourself a disservice, you would be focusing on YOU! Learning your own boundaries, finding new and fun hobbies, time with friends and family, working harder at school and getting better grades is an amazing achievement. Also most people in school who say they have a BF/GF that they love will likely split up as they aren't mature enough* at that point to hold a relationship down AND those people saying they have lots of awesome sex... yeah? No, they usually aren't and even if they were nobody is amazing at sex the first time they have it, so stop worrying!

Me being a happy and semi-confident person!
Staying true to yourself makes you a much happier person - I can't say much about this one as it is what it says on the can. If you are true to yourself and take part in the things that you like, if you hang around with the people you love, listen to good music, watch awesome movies and wear the soothes you are comfortable in then you will have a much better life, nobody wants to be stuck in clothes they can't stand, listening to God-awful music with people they don't get on with do they? Exacly! I actually learned this when I hit 18 because I had been trying so so hard to fit in at college with the girls in my class and I just kind of realised one morning while the girls talked about sex positions, modern music I had no idea about and what they were doing at the weekend that I thought "my god I'm 18 trying to be 16 and I would be happier at home this weekend with a book, completed coursework, candles on an laughing with my Mam and Nana" so that's what I did and I was totally bloody happy with it!

Making time for friends and family, even if you're super busy or stressed, is usually **always worth it - I included this one because a few weeks ago I met up with my oldest and greatest friend Leanne (Leanne, if you're reading this I still can't believe we have been friends for 10 years!). She signed herself up for the 3 years of gruelling mental torture known as university, although our courses are very different we do know, and anyone else who tries super hard to do well at uni, that uni takes up a high amount of our time and can be difficult to arrange get togethers but she told me that she always made times for her friends and family which is something I struggled with, if i have work that usually comes first so I don't stress about it, but lately I've been arranging more time out with friends, family and  generally just for myself too because honestly it's a welcomed break away, the work isn't going anywhere but time with friends and family is so precious.

People are cruel/assholes/ignorant... at EVERY age - Can't express how many times I want you to read and re-read that back because it's so true, there are so many nasty, cruel people out in that work that it's impossible to shield yourself away from them so growing a thick skin is essential, I'm still working on mine so I am in no position to preach at all but my God what I have definitely helps! Nastiness and childish behaviour doesn't stop at a particular age, it isn't just reserved for children, some of the most digesting comments I've ever received have been from young and older adults... Imagine a child's vocabulary with more swears basically. This kind of this does need to be ignored if it's nothing too serious but discrimination and ignorant comments need report in in the right circumstances such as at work or in a public situation if there is anyone available to report it to. Keep yourself right and safe at all times thought. Also as a side note to this one, if you have friends then they, even after a long time and lots of memories can still turn their backs on you and vice versa. 

Believing in your own strength and abilities is essential if you want to do anything in this world - This one for me, is pretty much the follow on the the above point, hence the structure of this post. If you are going to meet assholes at every stage in your life then you're going to meet barriers to what you're wanting to do, you'll need to overcome barriers and fight for what you think is right. A recent problem with my consultant who diagnosed my POMC has fought me this mores than ever; if you spend your whole life thinking that you can't do something or that you're not good enough then that's all you will ever be because you will never go outside of your comfort zone or gain confidence. If, however, you work hard and believe that you can be do something, even if it is as simple as talking to someone over the phone to order something or ask something then you have taken that step to increasing you confidence, each time you do that it will get easier, you will know that you can talk to someone on the phone and then on to the next challenge it is! If you think that you do have the strength to carry on when you're having a stressful day then you will get through it and getting into bed at night will be much sweeter. 

Money has no meaning outside of its purpose - I like this one. In fact this one is my favourite because it took me longest to realise to be frank. I didn't have many friends throughout school, the ones I did (excluding a couple) were pretty shitty and made my life hell most of the time, but I was so scared of being alone that I would spend a huge amount of the money I received in trying to buy their affection. I would take them on days out, buy them whatever they wanted, make sure if they didn't have enough money I would give it to them. I have needed fuel money to take friends places and asked for help if they took me out of my way but when they didn't help I let it go because hey that's money they could spend on themselves and I'll manage somehow... But the thing is money has 0 value if it's not being used for its original purpose which is to purchase goods, so all of that money I spent on "friends" didn't miraculously help improve our relationship, it just meant they took advantage of me and some of my friends are still doing that now just not necessarily with money but emotional support. The friends and people that mattered didn't care if I had no money at all, we could have a day in the house baking or cross-stitching or reading or even just sitting in silence and that was enough. I wish I'd known that earlier. 

Working hard always pays off in some way - I promise that this is true! If you work hard at something, even if you're rubbish at it then it'll pay off somehow, it might just pay off because you feel good about yourself for working hard but it definitely pays off, and working hard at something will give you a sense of achievement which in turn definitely helps building confidence and self-esteem!

Nothing comes before your health - This is something that I learned far too late in life. Something to know about me is that I went to an absolutely awful comprehensive school, the pupils there were evil, the teachers sub-par and didn't care about anything that was going on. I remember that after being diagnosed with POMC when I first started comprehensive school that my parents got a nurse form the RVI into school to explain to the class and teachers what exactly was wrong with me, one fact being that I would need to eat regularly and drink more, one rule in our school was no drinking in class so I remember getting my water bottle taken away from me and one particular teacher ripped up my toilet pass (a card that lets you go to the toilet whenever you need, no questions asked). My Mam went up to the school and went crazy with the teachers after that because by the time I got home I had held my need to use the toilet so long that a couple of days late i developed a kidney infection and I was so dehydrated I couldn't talk properly. It was then (in year 10 when I was around 15) that I literally vowed never ever to let somebody get me into that situation because no 60 minute lesson about WW2 is more important than my health. The same goes for you, nothing is ever more important than your health, so if you're very ill, mentally needing  break or physically unable to do anything then you have to take that time away, schedule it in if you have to to make sure you get everything done that you need doing but always make sure you have good health because you can't do very much without that on your side. 

You have got to think of yourself - For a lot of people this can be pretty difficult myself included because some people have a natural instinct to look after other people before themselves. I suppose that this point is the accumulation of all of the other points all rolled into 7 seemingly unimportant words. I don't mean that you should take being selfish to the extremes but I do mean that in everybody's life there comes a time when you simply have to put yourself first. There are so many reasons people can choose to put themselves first, some people do it when they're sad, others when they're angry or stressed or distressed or happy; I find that putting yourself first should be a running theme throughout your life, it should involve self-care and support; I put myself first by not allowing people to take advantage of me the way I used to and taking time to get to know my limits and boundaries so that I can stop people getting in the way of my happiness, if someone is going to cause upset or difficulties in my life then get rid of them because like I said at the beginning... life is simply too short. 
Our gorgeous Belle <3

So, there we have it, those are the 10 most important things I've learned in 10 years (from 12 years old to 22) and I hope you guys have really enjoyed reading this post because I loved writing it! Please come back next time and have an awesome week until then! As silly as it may seem to some, I am dedicating this post to our beautiful dog Bella Savage who passed away 08.02.2018, she really was the best friend a person could hope for and she will be more then missed. 
Love, Katy xo















Sunday, 21 January 2018

Staying Positive: See the Silver Lining!

Hey everyone!

I hope you're all doing really well, and the first month of your New Year is going awesome! I'm writing this post today because I'm aware the past couple of weeks have been full of emotion for people in my family, and all of my friend groups in some way as many of my friends and most of my immediate and extended family have some pretty serious health problems, I know these issues have been getting my loved ones down and they are struggling to see the bright side of life and to me that is just awful to see. 
It's so important when you have ill health to look at the positive things you have, for example yesterday I spent the day with my best friend and her partner, Nana and Simon baking all day, we both made lovely cakes and if you want to see mine head over to my personal instagram and it's the most recent cake picture! I made a beautiful white chocolate lemon drizzle cake and it smelled amazing! Me and my friend can't eat our cakes, she seemed quite frustrated at this and admittedly when you love cake and know you can't have it or taste what you've made it is very annoying, I can't eat my cake because it isn't worth it in my opinion, if I am going to eat something less healthy than usual I will wait until there is something that truly takes my fancy; albeit those times are few and far between but it makes me appreciate  and enjoy it more for waiting. The thing is everybody on earth has their own cross to bear in terms of their health but something I think is so essential when dealing with your lifestyle when you're chronically ill or have a long term/lifetime illness is that you've got to see the positive side of things even if sometimes it feels like you're fighting a losing battle.

When I first made changes to my diet it was super difficult and after years not not eating very well, or at least as well as I should've been, I was miserable for a long time because I thought I had to cut out foods that I love, like cakes and bacon but I did a lot of research and I've found so many different cake recipes that barely use any sugar and taste really good, most of those are vegan cakes which although they may not be ad indulgent as some other cakes hey I still get to eat cake! Plus vegan diets are recommended to some people with PCOS to relieve symptoms so I'm in a way being a little healthier than I would be if I made a Mary Berry cake. In terms of bacon just changing how its cooked and the kind of bacon makes a huge difference to a diet, I can still have things I loved but they are more strictly moderated and cooking techniques and products use to make my meals are slightly different. That is one of the ways that I tend to se the positive with my dietary changes because that was one of the most difficult things to cope with as it was such a major change for me as I like routine and at the time didn't eat a lot of different things.

Another positive thing is that although I can't eat my cakes I get to have so much fun baking them and trying out recipes, Simon is my personal tester and it's so awesome watching people eat and enjoy the food that you've made, the smells are wonderful the colours and textures are awesome! One of my favourite quotes, I don't know who by, is "life is not about wiring for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain" and that really resonates with me and I would definitely suggest that others remember this quote when you're feeling down. Every time something negative happens or you're feeling generally crappy just take a minute to think about the positives of the situation.
Image from Google.com
For example I had a friend a while ago who started on a treatment that involved daily injections, her way of seeing the positive is that she was scared of needles and at least after the treatment she wouldn't be scared anymore because she would get used to the feeling! That's an awesome way of looking at things if you ask me! My Mam has M.E., a basically null immune system, hundreds of allergies, epilepsy and lots more wrong with her which means she doesn't leave the house much, from this she has learned new sills and gotten really involved in arts and crafts, and although her life is a major struggle at times she has still gained a wonderful new hobby from it all.

Seeing the positive in the negative can change your outlook on life massively, honestly I'm planning  few posts within the next month and I'm very excited about them, during the planning of them I've realised how much I have truly changed and how positive my outlook on life is now. I'm hoping that if anyone reading this is feeling down at the moment, for whatever reason, that this little post does help in some way and if you're feeling low because of ill health please just remember that you're still alive, you still have people around you who are happy to see you turn up to work, or school or uni everyday, people who are happy to have you say hello to them or even just people who are happy that you managed to get out of bed this morning, that's an achievement in itself and I really mean that. In the next month I've to have a couple more posts up and while I was planning them it's been a real shock to look through some of my old stuff and see how much I have truly changed and now much more positive my life is now.
If every anybody needs some support or to talk please go to my Contact Me page and reach out to me because I will ALWAYS be willing to listen if you need to talk. I truly hope this post has helped someone out there because even the smallest of positives can make a huge difference.
Please be safe everybody and remember to see those silver linings!
Love,
Katy xo









Thursday, 4 January 2018

I'm Cool as a Cucumber... NOT! How Can I Keep Myself Relaxed?

Good evening everyone!

I'm not in the best of moods today so I'm hoping that writing up this post will be something to take my mind off things. I had no plans on writing a post about how I remain calm and relaxed but over the last 3 weeks I've had a massive amount of things going on, I've never experienced pressure like I have this last month and that's not even including any stresses from university either. All of this stress had resulted in unexplained chest pain that has lasted 3 weeks and I'm not going to lie it actually felt like I was going to have a heart attack, I've worried about everything from a blocked artery and heart attack, to a viral infection to Lymphoma. Ask any of my family and friends... or lecturers... or random people on the street and they will be able to tell you how much of a stress head I am. I worry about the tiniest of things and can never ever fully* relax. The pain in my chest caused by stress (confirmed by a doctor that stress was the cause after 3 ECGs and ECHO and blood tests), it was scary and I'm not going to lie it's given me a kick up the bum to really start looking after my body spiritually and emotionally rather than focusing on the physical side all of the time.

Being so scared that my stress levels have caused this, and could cause something worse if I get too wound up, had prompted me to write this blog post, maybe I need a little reminder of how I can stay calm, therefore I am using this blog to write down all the ways in which I can help myself, and hopefully give others tips on how to relax as well. So, please read on and enjoy, also note that my ways to relax are different to everyone else's so if my tips are totally different to what you like, try and apply it to something you do like!

My favourite book series. Skulduggery Pleasant
Get into My Hobbies - When I was a young girl and I used to stay inside a lot because of the bullying I got into some interesting hobbies, I've always used reading as a form of escapism but have really lost the lust for reading with having little time because of uni; reading could be a good way to levee my problems behind for an hour or two. I ask love to knit and cross stitch and can't remember the last time I did that either, maybe learning  new skill like crocheting would be good for me as I got lots of knitting and cross stitch stuff for Christmas. I could also get back into playing the piano or clarinet as I used to do both of those and really have lost the drive to do everything I used to love because of being so stressed about one thing or another. 

Pamper Myself - I always try to put time aside each week to do this anyway and it's kind of become a chore where I pick the things I'll use in the bath/shower and just sit there thinking about what else I could be doing. Maybe it is time that I make time for a lovely long nth/shower with the nicest smelling products I own, I never have unpainted toenails so that's another way that I can palmer myself as well. There really isn't a better feeling than being fresh and comfy, looking nice and being chilled out. 


Marsden Rock in South Shields
Exercise - Exercise is usually pretty stressful thing for me to do because it usually ends up with my legs being numb and my back throbbing painfully at best. However, I love South Shields and other beaches in the North East so why not just take a drive up there and walk along the sands for a little, there is something about the sea that is really soothing to me particularly during a storm and the waves are crashing in all their awesomeness. I think i would find that really relaxing. I love walking in the rain as I find that the easiest time for me to walk, I tend not to overheat in the rain and love rain anyway so that might be a good opportunity for me to unwind as well. Oh for the less mobile people out there I would highly recumbent Yoga, it is fab for keeping fit and chilling out. 

Talk to Friends and Family - I don't have many friends, particularly ones that are readily available to i just don't tend to talk to anyone unless I really need to or we are together at the time. I've been let down a lot with friends and family and if I truly need someone to talk to about anything it's my Nana I will go to as she is the most understanding, compassionate and diplomatic woman ever. She usually gives me awesome advice or makes me think about things in a different way so if you have friends and family you can talk to then that's awesome but if not then sometimes talking to yourself helps, I have found that arguing with myself can help me straighten things out in my head sometimes... that makes me sound off my rocker doesn't it?
One of my Cross stitch designs - did it without a pattern!

Go Driving - Every week my Nana and Granda will go for a short drive somewhere, they never pick a destination just flip a coin and drive in a particular direction, usually until Nana spots something or Granda gets sick of driving. They once ended up having fish and chips in the car park of Lightwater Valley and headed straight home haha! Nana always says that just getting out of the house lightens her mood and chills her out. I'm sure I get my stress habits from my Mam and Nana. Getting out of the house is usually a good way for me to relax, if my essays are stressing me then if I am out of the house and away from my computer/work then there's nothing I can do about it is there? I have no choice but to enjoy myself while I'm out so that's a pretty good idea too. 

Light Candles - My Hygge book says that the Danish are so happy because they often light a lot of candles and that... I guess makes them happy because candles are just SO cozy. I don't really understand why candles make the Danish (and me) so happy and content but they apparently do. I'm a sucker for candles but also a candle hoarder, I don't like using them because once they're gone they're gone and sometimes they smell far too nice. I had a sea foam candle once which just smelled divine, the whole house smelled like the seaside and that was brilliant. I always have candles so that'll be an easy one to keep to haha!

Best piece of technology Apple ever created!
Listen to Music - This one is pretty much a guaranteed way to relax me. Music is my lifeblood and I honestly couldn't live without my music and my taste is so eclectic you wouldn't think that I listened to country, elvis, Eurodance, classical, one direction and so so so many more. I love closing my eyes and just drifting away to whatever I'm listening to, it's just perfect trying to listen deeply and hear all the instruments involved in a particular song. You can even start to imagine different scenarios in your head and sometimes I get really blown away by the imagination of the human mind. Music is amazing and this is a sure fire way to help me relax. 

So, there's 7 ways that I am going to try and keep myself relaxed, it's much easier said than done and I have 100 other ways I could chill but again the proof is in the pudding. Please everybody remember that stress can cause some serious physical problems so if you're feeling overwhelmed and have tried different ways to stay calm maybe talking to your GP could help, they could offer alternative methods such as counselling, or if necessary medication. 
If you've got any tips of your own about how to stay chilled I would absolutely love to know them so get commenting below and let me know! 
Hope you all enjoyed this post, see you guys soon!

Katherine.  xo










Saturday, 30 December 2017

Changes and Hopes for 2018!

Good Morning All!
Not my image! Image found on Google.com

I want to start by saying that I hope everybody has had a wonderful Christmas and hope you're all looking forward to a great New Year! Our Christmas was fantastic, I spent a lovely morning and had lunch with my family and we then went over to Simon's family for the rest of the night, lunch as per was awesome and spending time with all of our loved ones was just perfect. Myself and Simon were completely and utterly spoiled and I can't thank our families and friends enough, we will have to treat them all in the new year.

I'm definitely looking forward to the New Year, I went out with Simon and his friend a few weeks ago and my mood was not positive; I was feeling really depressed and quite hopeless, I think Simon was too at that point to be honest. Both of us had been going through a very difficult period which was impaction on our relationship at the time, something Simon's friend said to us really hit home with me, I can't remember the exact words but he basically said that when you step back form the situation and find the things you like, use the knowledge about yourself in a productive way you can make 2018 the best year ever, it's ours to make basically. He is totally right as well and we just hadn't really looked at it through the lens he uses before. He's an awesome lad, can't say that enough. 
So, with that in mind I want to talk about New Years Resolutions, something I'm sure many many people will be akin this year. Thing is, I don't make resolutions because I don't like the idea of 'letting myself down' if I can't stick to them, but this year some changes really need to be made, therefore this year I'm making some changes, and some promises to myself, that I think will make my life better and make my 2018 as happy and healthy as possible. Here are some things that I'm hoping to accomplish this year.

Improve my health - I'm not the most unhealthy person alive but neither and I the healthiest I could be. There is little I can do about my POMC until the time is right and new treatments are available, new options given to us all; however, there is a lot I can do to improve other aspects of my health to make me happier and more able. I need to mix up my diet, although at the moment it is very restricted, I would like to speak to dieticians to see if I could add more nutritional meals into my diet or even more interesting ones, eating the same thing constantly can get boring. Physiotherapy is on the cards as well as I want to be able to stand for more than 5 minutes without pain coming on, posture is something that needs looking at as the curve in my spine impacts that a lot, I think physic would be a good thing for me even if it's not a cure but a help. Counselling to keep my mental health on track is something I also want to get into, there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to keep your mind healthy, I still have battles with low self-esteem at times and that's something I'm hoping to overcome this year. In terms of health I also need to be much more forward in telling the doctors what I need instead of just agreeing with their course of treatment, that is a very important one for me. 

My book on how to live well the Danish way! Exciting read
Change my mentality - This is a big one actually and pretty much goes hand in hand with the counselling aspect of the above mentioned point. I really need to change my mentality around... well everything. A little fact about me, I let people take advantage of me all the time because I don't have the confidence to stand up and say no. I've put myself, and in some instances, Simon, in very awkward, difficult and uneasy situations due to my inability to say no. Something I need to take heed of is the fact that if somebody else chooses to do (or not do) something because I'm not then that decision isn't on me, everybody is responsible for their own actions and I want to work on my ability to not take everything to heart. I need to be kinder to myself, I often think I'm a terrible person, berating myself for the smallest of mistakes, I put too much pressure on myself at uni because of this. I'm human too and this is the year I want to accept myself completely, flaws and all. Sometimes I try far too hard to please other people and get upset at criticism but I also want to try and be myself more this year, if I don't want to do something I won't. I should get back to my knitting, cross stitch, back into my reading and such. I got a book for Christmas about the Danish way to be happy and I can't wait to read it! 

Spend more time with family - Time with loved ones is precious, all time is precious but it's even better in the company of those you love most. Unfortunately there are some people I'm often surrounded by that, for my own mental health, I am going to have to step away from, regardless of the nature of our relationship some people just are not good to be around. Constant arguments, belittling, lack of support and compassion is not the kind of attitude anybody needs to be around. Therefore, this year I will be spending my time with those who truly matter, those who are there for me and I for them, I've heard over and over that surrounding yourself with good people is the best possible thing you can do for yourself, 2018 will be the year I take that advice and test that theory. Simon's family are included in that as I love them as my own and always look forward to spending time with them as well. It also includes spending time with friends, these are the people who help you up no matter how far down you fall and those people are hard to find, keep them close I say!

Be more of a 'YES!' woman - I remember watching Jim Carey's 'Yes Man' movie years ago and as much as a lot if it was so cringey (and still hilarious to me) you've got to admit he was much happier when he started just saying yes to the little things he usually would have said no to. This year I want to be a yes woman, I want to say yes to more days out and going different places without worrying about the price of things or how many days I have left to do my essays... I always get them done at least 1 week in advance anyway. I also have plans to start this little promise to myself as I want to go to the Hancock Museum in Newcastle, I hate history but love the cavemen, dinosaur type history, so that would be fun. I also want to go to a couple of art galleries, more movie nights out, trips to weird and awesome places. Another side promise to go along with this is that I want to make a scrapbook, or at least take more pictures to keep these important memories alive.

More me time/Learn to step back - Finally, I think something that I have been meaning to do for a long, long time is take more time for me. I love Simon and he loves me but everybody in a live-in relationship needs their own time and we don't get a lot of it these days with uni, family, work and everything else going on. So, with that said I want to take more time for me and learn to step back from situations that I need to remove myself from. I have already thought of how I can do this, I am at my happiest when I am listening to my music, this year I had to invest in a new iPod Touch as a replacement for the best piece of technology ever created... the iPod Classic (screw you apple for discontinuing those!!), so I've bought myself lots of new albums and I am ready to go! I've packed my personal care boxes full of body butters, nice smellies, my craft box is full and I'm fully prepared to give myself some me time in whatever way I fancy!

So those are my little promises and hopes for 2018, and you know what? It doesn't matter which or how many of these promises I manage to fulfil because even one of these things will make my life a little better. I hope you all are looking forward to a brand new year! Thank you all so much for reading and please let me know what your promises/wishes.resolutions are for 2018!

See you soon guys! xo











Friday, 22 December 2017

Christmas in Our Household! A.K.A. I'm So Excited!!

Evening all!

This post is up slightly later then anticipated only because I've been getting the last few bits and bobs ready for Christmas, my gosh I am so so excited for Christmas!!

This post is pretty much going to be all about how our family does Christmas to be honest, it's the best time of the year for the whole family to be honest, we just love it so much.
Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because I absolutely thrive in cold weather, while everyone else goes around grumbling and muttering about how awful the weather is I am just completely in my element. Don't get me wrong I love Halloween and all the other holidays throughout the year but as soon as Halloween is over I put my Christmas tree up on November 1st, I still laugh when I remember Simon's reaction when we first got together and I put my tree up that day, he had slept at my house because we got home late from a Beamish Halloween event and he was partly loving the spirit and partly in disbelief that people do that so early haha! As you can see it looks like there has been an explosion in a Christmas factory looking at my Nana's living room and tree! Isn't is awesome?!
 

At school I had a friendship group who always called me Mrs. Claus, I loved that name, best thing I ever got called at school. 
Anywho, it's two days away from Christmas day and we are all in full Cheer mode in our house, because my birthday is so close to Christmas the Christmas celebrations don't usually start until the week before. On Monday I had my regular RVI appointment so not much happened until Wednesday really... Me and Simon were so bored sitting in the house and that's no good for any couple usually we get at each others throats if we are cooped up too long so we like to get out and about as much as we can, we decided to go for a small walk around Hardwick Park, a woodland area really close to where we live and honestly it was such a lovely day for it, BITTER cold and barely anyone around. Whenever we did meet people they always smiled and said good morning or Merry Christmas, that's what I love about this time of year, amid all of the rush and hustle and bustle and complaints about the same old songs playing on the radio, there is something underlying, some kind of kindness in people that just sing there any other time of the year. Christmas brings out the best and worst in people and it all depends on your outlook about which side of people you would rather see, I think at least... I might be talking rubbish but Christmas to me is just a happy time. 
Halfway around the walk I started to get pains like usual, my leg felt like the muscles were being for to shreds but on the surface my skin was going numb so I couldn't feel my leg at all, we ended up sitting down for about half an hour until I had some feeling then just doing very very short bursts of walking, what should've been a 30 minute walk turned into a two hour escapade, I ended up crying quite a bit, felt like begging to the clouds "please just make me normal!!" but what's the point? Onwards and upwards so we made the best of the situation, Simon managed to get some lovely pictures, one being of a very majestic looking Robin. 
After the walk we both went to meet a really old friend of mine, we have known each other since school and went for a starbucks, Leanne is such an awesome person honestly, our friendships has never changed even if we have lost touch before; I adore those kinds of friendships ad I'm hoping we can plan another catch up day as soon as possible. We ended up swapping each others presents and cards for Christmas and heading off home after a chin wag. 
Not much happened on Wednesday after that so we ended up watching Christmas TV shows like 'Friends' and 'South Park' episodes which was lovely. 
Over the last couple days I've been taking my nana shopping for Christmas food, the best part of Christmas, I love spending time with my nana she is such a strong and amazing woman and I'm blades to have her in the family to be honest, she's pretty hilarious too, whenever I ask her for directions you can guarantee her answer will be "oh... it was that last left turn" and we always end up laughing and finding somewhere to U turn haha! I'll be taking her shopping tomorrow as well to get the last little bits and finish up before the big day. 
On Christmas eve we tend to swap presents with friends and make sure everybody has been given their presents, I' hoping we can get out for another walk even if it's a really short walk this time, just so we can get out and in the fresh air. Usually, then I will help grandma tidy up the house as we always open our presents at her house and will be having dinner at my Mam's this year. After helping around the house I will get into the car and go an deliver last minute Christmas cards to friends and family in the village and we will go visiting after, this year because of we have lost a lot of close family over the past two years my uncle will be coming to visit us this year and my uncle Charlie is no longer with us. He was a truly fabulous (in every sense of the word) man. Instead of visiting everyone this year we will be heading to our local church as myself and Simon are practicing Catholics. I always love going to Church and don't have as much tie as I would like to attend regularly as I want. On getting back hope we will grab something light to eat and get a few christmas films on, hopefully this year we can watch 'A Christmas Carol' and '8 Crazy Nights' or 'Nightmare Before Christmas'... Ahhh there are too many to choose from! Then we will get to bed before 12am so we can sleep before Santa comes!!

On Christmas morning my Mam and Dad will wake us up around 6/6:30am because they're big kids and we will have our stockings at the end of the bed to rip into, then after taking an hour (or so it feels) to wake up Nana and Granda, my Dad heads downstairs and "checks if Santa has been", he always has. So, we get to run downstairs and get into opening the presents while everyone sits with a cup of tea or coffee, this usually takes two hours give or take. Then we will gather all the gifts together into our own little areas and call or text everybody to say thank you and wish them a merry christmas. Then the best bit... Christmas lunch!! We will be having lunch around 1/2 this year so not too late, usually after a big dinner  we all sit and watch a film until one of us falls asleep, usually my Granda. Since living with Simon it's been different though, Christmas is split between my family and his so we have Christmas evening ad night with his family, mainly because my Mam is too poorly she can't stay awake too long and gets tired very easily so we get what time with her that we can to be honest. It's always a true joy to see Simon's family as they're all fantastic people, I really do love them as my own. It's a 35 minute drive to Simon's house so we will blast the Christmas tunes as we go and do the same on the way home, usually a little quieter haha. 
When we get home you can bet your last penny we will watch a dvd and fall asleep as we watch. Perfect. 
Boxing day is usually us looking through our gifts and spending the day with families, eating still more food (if you can't eat what a little worse than usual at Christmas when can you?) and just relaxing really. So, that is Christmas in the Simpson/Savage/Steel household.
I'd love to know how everyone else is doing Christmas this year? What are your traditions? 
Whatever you do and wherever you are I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!

Bye for now,
Katy. xo
















Tuesday, 19 December 2017

Update and Apology

Morning everybody,

Before I start I really want to apologise for being absent for so long, I'm very disappointed in myself for not making more time for blogging but family and personal life problems have been difficult to cope with. Simon is struggling with a few things and I'm trying to support him whilst working on our relationship, dealing with the huge amount of essays and a presentation at uni, as per also trying to manage my health. So, in effect, I'm not trying to give excuses just explain why I've been gone for so long, and I'm genuinely very sorry. 

Anyway, on to the crux of the matter, I would like to give everybody an update on, well everything basically because so much has gone on since my last post! In terms of university things are going pretty good actually out of the 3 assessments we have completed this year I (and my group for one of the assessments) managed to get firsts in two of them which is absolutely amazing and well done to everyone else who submitted them all! I'm helping out friends with uni work and trying to work together, a study busy kinda set up and that's pretty fun too to be honest, I've always thought that teaching others is one of the best ways to consolidate your own learning so as I'm helping others I'm learning myself. 
We have just managed to finish our first semester of year 2, despite having 5500 words to write for essays over Christmas I am definitely looking forward to the break because we don't go back to uni until late January 2018! Actually, speaking of essays once I've finished this post I'll be starting another essay which I'm hoping to finish on Wednesday night or Thursday, probably Thursday because I'll get some absolute quiet with Simon and everybody else being out of the house and I tend to focus better when I'm alone; total loner me ha!

Oh Christmas as well!!!!! I'm crazy for Christmas it's the most wonderful time of the year (ha see what I did there) and I've had everybody's presents bought and wrapped since October so definitely ready to go now, as you can see from the picture as well we have got our christmas tree up and decorated and spent a lovely night a few weeks ago watching Home Alone. Oh also it was my birthday on the 14th of December and I turned 22! one of my oldest and most lovely friends managed to get Taylor Swift's 22 song stuck in my head ha, thanks Leanne, I can't wait to meet up with her tomorrow we never get enough time to see one another being so busy. I was totally spoiled for my birthday and Simon had booked us a weekend away in a log cabin with a hot tub... pretty amazing and I'd never been in a hot tub, by the end of the weekend I didn't want to leave the hot tub either, a nice glass of wine in your hand and bubbles was absolutely perfect! The picture to the right is the view we woke up to on Sunday and it was absolutely beautiful. Honestly, though, essays or not I am so excited for Christmas this year, I'm hoping to get up a post soon as possible, probably Thursday evening all about Christmas traditions in the Savage/Simpson home. 
 



Things with my health are kind of progressing weirdly, random things are going on in my body and it feels like an uphill battle to get some support. If you can remember I told you guys that doctors were wanting to put me on Liraglutide or Saxenda/Victoza as it might also be known, I did a whole post on it and what my concerns about it are, obviously there is a black box warning on the drug as it can cause different kinds of cancer or pancreatitis, this was a massive worry despite people telling me otherwise because there is a clear history of cancer in my family anyway, my mam, grandma, and great grandma have all had a kind of cancer, my cancer levels are raises slightly anyway so in my opinion, to put me on a drug for weight loss that I might not react to and the average weight loss for a normal person is alb every 3 weeks, this would be too risky a decision for me. So, yesterday when I attended my RVI appointment I basically putty foot down and refused that option for treatment, as impossible as it might be I would rather use my last breath to try and improve my health in terms of lifestyle changes rather than do it via a dangerous, in my opinion, drug. 
At the RVI yesterday the doctor has told me that I need an emergency gynaecology appointment because I've had issues with bleeding between periods and one major issue involving a lot of pain and bleeding, the doctor seems quite worried about that. I'm not too worried about it to be honest mainly because I have always had issues with my periods, and especially with endometriosis and PCOS, sometimes weird things can happen but at least it's best to get things sorted, I remember having a phone call with my GP surgery about the bleeding between periods and I had explained all my issues and the doctor on the other end of the phone told me and I do quote "oh it will be nothing" which is an alarming response from a GP but I have to admit my surgery is absolutely appalling. It's in this instance that I'm more thankful for my consultants and specialists at the RVI, they do such amazing work and I'm happy to be one of their patients to be honest. 
Oh I am also being referred to a sleep apnoea clinic... Apparently I snore haha! That'll be interesting to say the least :)

To be honest that's all I have been up to recently it's been pretty hectic trying to get ready for Christmas and going away and essays, presentations, health issues, family arguments and a whole lot of other stuff!!! Still I'm overjoyed to be back and absolutely can't wait to get bak to blogging regularly!
Thanks to all you guys who stayed with me and keep checking the blog regularly, I'm hoping to have exciting news soon as well as I may be arranging a call with someone from Rhythm, the company developing the drug Setmelanotide! So keep your eyes and ears open for that post coming soon hopefully :)

Have a wonderful day everybody!
Thanks for reading xxx

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Love & Our Bodies - For Plus Size Peeps!

Good evening all!
Image found on google, taken from general
pinterest thread

I'm sorry about the short absence but university has been absolutely crazy, there were a few hiccups with trying to get all the modules sorted for people and so far we have 4 assignments and presentations and things to do so it has been mad here. In my last post I mentioned that my mental health had not been the best it could be, I think I made that apparent in the way I was writing which shocked me when I re-read it once I began to feel stronger mentally, that's the first time I've ever looked at my feelings on paper and even in the tone of the writing it scared me, I've therefore made the decision to seek help from an organisation referred to me by the doctor, hopefully it won't take too long and I will keep you updated on that as well.

Today's post to get back to it is all about dating an relationships when you are a plus size person, be it male or female, LGBTQIA+, heterosexual, black, white, tall, short and everybody inbetween. I've chosen this topic because it's been 2 and a half years of being with Simon and almost a year of being engaged and thinking back to how I was feeling before I met him I was miserable and would've loved someone to tell me that everything would work out and to chill out. Anywho, on to the bones of the matter.

Before meeting Simon I was extremely bitter, I'd had a number of awful experiences with men and some very heartbreaking scenarios with other people. I hated couples, anything to do with sex, imtimacy and desire, I was jealous of friends and caused arguments because of it, a lot of that I regret now but the issue ran deeply for me because I craved it. All of it. As a teenager I was painfully aware that society did not promote my body type, never mind as ideas beauty, but as beautiful at all, in fact a lot of media, social media and average Joe's on the street made it clear that my body type was to be avoided, nobody would want a fat lass. That's what the kids at school told me and after hearing something so many times you begin to believe it. This kind of attitude leads to low self-esteem, body image issues, a lack of confidence and internalised ideas about beauty, this ideology of of the perfect body is extremely harmful yet permeates almost every aspect of our lives. If you're a bigger person you're automatically not good enough or so society tells you, ever heard someone say "you're pretty/handsome for a big girl\boy" yeah that phrase right there, although it may be meant in the best of intentions it still implies that you're being compared to the ideal standard of beauty. The first thing I've learned is that you absolutely need to get that concept out of your head, there will always be people telling you that you're not good enough for whatever reason, but honestly, why take something as menial into account as looks? Beauty didn't help you get to where you are now, having lots of compliments and men/women falling at your feet didn't help you become the person you are. Your experiences and thoughts, your family and friends, opinions and beliefs are the things that shape you, to some your looks will be but a bonus. The human body is a miracle and quite frankly to base an opinion on something purely on aesthetics alone is shallow, you wouldn't base your opinion of someone else purely on how they look so why do it to yourself? 

With over 8 billion people on the planet is it not irrational to believe that nobody would find you attractive, nor would they find anything at all about you attractive or want to be with you? You might be funny, academic, athletic, artistic, bubbly, quirky, introvert or outgoing and there will be somebody in this world, in your country, possibly even in your home town who will like at lest one of those traits, someone will love your  messy hair, your chubby cheeks, your belly rolls. Someone will crave to have your bingo wings wrapped around them at night keeping them extra warm or big thighs resting on them. Somebody desperately wants a girl who isn't "media beautiful" a woman who carries a few extra or a whole load of extra pounds. Those people out there will be feeling the same as you, that because what they like and find attractive isn't usually what is expected that something about them is wrong or faulty and it's not. The phrase "whatever floats your boat" is never more appropriate. 
However, before you can start getting yourself out on the dating scene or even just out on the scene you need to remember that the image of beauty is given to us by other people, not us. Overweight and obese people are just that, they are people who deserve and crave love and affection, there are obese people out there who unbelievably satisfying love lives, obese people who have lonely love lives, people who are in extremely happy and very unhappy relationships, just like there are people of average and petite sizes who have amazing sex lives and relationships and others who want to improve theirs. Sometimes you just have to deal with the wait and hang in there until somebody comes along, it may not be the love of your life, or it could be, but hell! You'll have fun along the way as long as you keep reminding yourself that you're a beautiful, miraculous human being who deserves love just as much as any other beautiful, miraculous human being. 

If you are a person who suffers from a genetic obesity disorder there is something else I feel I need to tell you before I continue, never EVER feel like you have to justify yourself!! Do you ever hear a slimmer individual saying "oh I'm sorry I'm so small it's genetic"? No. Unless you feel like you need to let a potential partner know the ins and outs of your condition or unless you're talking to your doctor/someone you're comfortable around you do not have to discuss it or give reasons for your size. This is very important, I remember sending Simon a text when we first started talking, a missive text outlining the fact that I have some kind of condition that makes me fat and if he wants to leave me he is welcome to, he didn't obviously and he found it astounding that I would feel the need to disclose that and his reply was "I don't care that you're a big bodied woman, I like you and I don't want to ever lose your friendship". 

Another point I have to make is that once you do find someone, a relationship, friend which benefits or even if you find that you've started to love yourself then you need to just enjoy that time. Just enjoy being happy and loved, desired and appreciated (hopefully appreciated, if not kick that lady/dude to the kerb because you deserve better). Don't waste time looking at other women or men and comparing yourself to them, I've cried so many tears thinking that Simon was only with me because he felt he was in too deep, that he grew to love my body and didn't actually want me. Things like that can ruin your relationship and send you back down into a spiral or self loathing and degradation, which is not what you need. Learn to accept the fact that your partner is with you because they love you, because they desire you and because you are the one that they want (oh oh oh honey!), sorry little Grease humour for you there. Even if you don't believe it keep telling yourself that and over time, if you stay in a long term relationship then you'll begin to believe it, just like you believed the negative comments you can believe the positive. 

I would also say that you should be aware that obesity and "fatness" is viewed as a fetish for some. The fact that you are a 'fat person' may add to the attraction for them or some other people may be attracted to you purely because of your weight. If you are okay with that then great! Please remember you aren't just an object to be used or drooled over, you still have feelings and don't want to be used (unless that's your thing than you go!). Some people are feeders who get erotic pleasure from feeding their partners so they gain more weight, people who are pushy and insist that you must eat or you would "do this is you really love me" are not good for you, particularly those who have a genetic obesity disorder and you might feel these people are worth avoiding, however an extremely important note is that not all people interested in feeding take it far, the majority of feeders and fat fetishists will take into consideration their partners feelings and thoughts on the matter just as any loving partner would so please don't tar everybody with the same brush as all people are individual. 

So, for tonight I think that is it and I really appreciate it if you've managed to make it to them end because it's been really long winded and I really hope nothing in here has offended anybody, the aim was to help you start thinking differently about your body and yourself as a loveable being. 

See you next time! 
Xo.